I need a favor: tell me what you really think

[Eran Galor]

All right, I need a favor.

Most of you have received a copy of Pedestrian Gods by now. Whether you have also completed the optional second step of actually reading it is between you and your conscience.

I would genuinely appreciate some constructive criticism. Tell me what worked, what didn’t, which stories stayed with you, where I lost you, where a joke went one beat too long, which pieces felt thin, repetitive, obscure, overexplained, underexplained, or simply not for you.

I’m not asking for praise, and nobody needs to turn into a professional reviewer overnight. Specific reactions are much more useful than verdicts. If one line made you laugh, tell me where. If a story made you impatient, tell me where. If something surprised you by working better than you expected, I want to know that too.

Most of all, be constructive. I am emotionally mature enough to hear criticism and sufficiently vain to ask that you phrase it nicely.

Have at it.

[Paperback-Postpunk]

Finished it last night.

First reaction: it feels much more like one book than I expected. I thought forty-plus short pieces might turn into clever-premise fatigue, but the voice holds it together.

The bear one is still probably the easiest entry point for me. It tells you very quickly what kind of place you’re in.

Main note: sometimes you explain a joke after it has already landed. Not often, but I marked it a few times

[Folklore]

yes, the bear one is probably the one i’d hand somebody first

not because it’s the deepest thing here, just because within a page you either accept the contract or you don’t

also the payment stuff made me laugh way more than the actual bear, somehow

[Quiet Stacks]

Read the whole thing, though over four evenings.

What stayed with me was not the surreal stuff by itself. It was how often the emotional part remains ordinary underneath it. That balance is harder than it looks.

“Poisoning of Intimate Memories” worked especially well for me. I would be careful not to polish the book into something tidier than it is. The roughness is part of the voice

[Prison Book Bars]

I thought “A. D. Gordon’s Succubus” was one of the cleanest pieces.

It knows exactly how long to stay, and the ending arrives without being escorted into the room by an explanation.

If you are trimming anywhere else, I would compare the longer stories to that one. Not for length, just for whether each extra beat earns its place

[Marginalia]

Same on Gordon.

Also, I would not add context for readers who do not know the background. I knew enough, someone else will know more, somebody else will know nothing. All three can still read the story.

That confidence helps the collection

[Glitchboy]

Wing Z was one of the funniest for me and also one of the few where i thought ok maybe lose 5 percent

not a whole section. just a couple places where i already knew what kind of argument was coming next

the voice is great though. very committed to being wrong in exactly the right way

[Raga-Docent]

Yes, I had that reaction too.

I would trim repetition before trimming escalation. The pleasure of “Wing Z” is that it keeps finding another way to complicate the same bad situation.

A few exchanges confirm the pattern rather than changing it. Those are the places I would inspect first

[Briefs And Books]

“My Dead Father’s Son” was the one I kept thinking about afterward.

The son’s decision is ugly in a productive way. I did not want the story to rescue him from it, and it does not.

My only editing note is that once the pattern is fully clear, one or two repetitions may no longer be doing new work

[Choralist]

Exactly. I was glad that story did not suddenly become morally well behaved.

I think the discomfort is what makes it linger. If you soften the son’s decision, you lose the reason people will argue about it.

Maybe trim around it, but not through it

[Absurd-Adjuster]

I had more trouble with parts of “The One Who Stayed.”

Not the premise. The voice works. It was a couple of the gender jokes near the end where I stopped and wondered whether I was supposed to hear the character or the author.

I would not make him nicer. I would just look hard at the few lines where that distance gets blurry

[Paperback-Postpunk]

Yeah, same note.

There is one very short beat near the end that made me go “hmm, whose joke is this”

Might be completely intentional. Just one of those lines where reader interpretation can jump the fence

[Quiet Stacks]

“Susan Storm” was sadder than I expected.

I liked it most when it trusted the central image and least when it translated that image back into an argument for me.

There are maybe two places I would cut a sentence and just let the thing sit

[Folklore]

same

once i understood what kind of loneliness the story was talking about, i didn’t need it explained again

the strange part is strong enough on its own

[Marginalia]

The coin story is the opposite for me.

Do not touch it.

It is exactly as long as it needs to be, and the last line has the confidence several of the longer endings could borrow

[Prison Book Bars]

Agreed. That one is a useful reminder that not every premise needs expansion.

Some of these ideas are better as a clean strike than a full discussion. The collection benefits from having both kinds

[Glitchboy]

Pétanque made me laugh a lot and also made me think “this is probably one paragraph too long”

problem is i can’t tell you which paragraph because every candidate has a line i like

very irritating editorial situation

[Paperback-Postpunk]

That’s exactly the problem with it. Every paragraph has counsel and an alibi.

I would still try removing one middle beat and reading it cold the next day. If you don’t miss it, the court has ruled

[Choralist]

On the whole book, I noticed the recurring damaged-men voice more than I expected.

Not saying that as a complaint. It gives the collection a recognizable emotional weather.

But there were stretches where I wanted one story between those voices before hearing that register again

[Raga-Docent]

I had the same structural reaction.

The recurring cadence is part of the identity, but sequencing matters because two individually good pieces can flatten each other if the speakers sound too close.

I would look at adjacency before rewriting voices

[Briefs And Books]

And the repeated name issue adds to that.

Sometimes Gadi felt like a recurring person, sometimes like a recurring instrument. I was fine not knowing which, but when two Gadi stories sit near each other the effect becomes stronger whether you intend it or not

[Paperback-Postpunk]

I assumed Gadi was a species

Possibly an invasive one

[Folklore]

“Monkeys?” was one of my favorites.

That one just keeps getting more confidently stupid in a way I mean as praise. I did wonder about the very end, though. It felt a little easier than everything before it

still laughed

[Absurd-Adjuster]

I liked that ending more than you did, but I understand the objection.

The middle builds such a specific momentum that almost any ending risks feeling smaller. I am not sure the answer is changing it so much as making sure the last beat is sharp enough

[Quiet Stacks]

“Joy Almost Killed Us All” is probably the story where I most enjoyed the escalation and most occasionally wanted you to stop escalating.

The first half had me completely. Later I started measuring individual jokes against each other instead of just riding the story.

That may be the one I would trim by instinct rather than by structure

[Prison Book Bars]

Same.

There are two or three jokes in the later stretch where I laughed and still thought: maybe this is the extra one

Not because they’re weak. Because the story is already winning

[Glitchboy]

lol i liked the extra ones

that story told me pretty early it had no intention of behaving and after that i was happy to let it become a public safety problem

taste thing maybe

[Marginalia]

That distinction is probably right.

There is a point where excess is the aesthetic, so “too much” cannot be the whole criticism. The better question is whether each new excess changes the rhythm or merely repeats the permission

[Absurd-Adjuster]

Pomerantz has one of the strongest voices in the book for me.

The only thing I marked was the celebrity material. It works now because it is specific, but those names will age faster than the rest of the story.

I am not even sure that is a reason to change them. Just a cost worth choosing consciously

[Paperback-Postpunk]

I’d keep the names.

A guy like that saying “some famous musician” would sound fake. Let the story date. Books are allowed to have a year attached to them

[Raga-Docent]

“Argentina, In Fact” surprised me. I expected it to be the most inside-baseball piece and it wasn’t.

I know enough Borges to see some of the game, probably not all of it, and that was fine.

Please do not add explanatory furniture around that one

[Choralist]

Same here, and I know much less Borges than some of you

I still enjoyed the confidence of it. It feels like somebody telling you something impossible and getting mildly annoyed that you keep asking normal questions

[Prison Book Bars]

Exactly. Local knowledge or literary knowledge can be a bonus without becoming the entrance fee.

That applies elsewhere too. I would not internationalize the Israeli details just to make every reader equally comfortable

[Briefs And Books]

Agreed.

A reader being briefly outside the center of the reference is not a defect. The book would lose texture if every unfamiliar thing arrived wearing a name tag and explanation

[Folklore]

Inbal was one where i wanted slightly less explanation

not because i was confused. kind of the opposite. once the beach gets weird, i was already there

a little more uncertainty would make that section creepier for me

[Paperback-Postpunk]

Yes. The narrator explaining things badly is part of the charm, but timing matters.

Sometimes the explanation is funniest after the reader has had ten seconds to be uneasy first

[Quiet Stacks]

“Warmth Level” felt very current, obviously, but I don’t think that hurts it.

What worked for me was the tiredness underneath the tech joke. That part will survive whatever apps exist five years from now.

I would maybe shorten one of the lists. You are very good at lists and therefore occasionally too generous with them

[Glitchboy]

Friendship Utilizing Cumulative Knowledge was awful

compliment

and yeah one permissions list could probably stop two items earlier. once i got the joke i started waiting for the period

[Absurd-Adjuster]

That is one of my repeated notes too: lists work until I can predict the next item.

I would not remove the device. Just stop a few lists at the first point where the reader thinks “yes, I know what kind of list this is now”

[Marginalia]

“Yellowed Pages” is one of the pieces I would not discuss too specifically in public because part of its force is how it changes while you are reading it.

I liked it a lot. I also think the ending will split people.

For me it earned the risk, but it is definitely a risk

[Briefs And Books]

Same.

I can imagine readers loving the last beat and other readers feeling it takes over everything that came before.

I do not think that makes it wrong. It just means the ending is doing a lot of retrospective work

[Choralist]

It shocked me, but I did not feel tricked.

The earlier tenderness is what gives the ending any weight at all. If that middle were thinner, then I think I would have called the last move cheap

as written, I didn’t

[Raga-Docent]

“That Which Is in the Sky” felt like the collection briefly changed breathing pattern.

I liked having one piece that opened out that much. It made the book feel larger.

I would keep the scale. Maybe trim a recurrence here or there, but not enough to make it behave like the short pieces

[Paperback-Postpunk]

That one is where the book stops throwing knives for a while and builds a small country

Useful change of pace. Keep it weird and roomy

[Folklore]

“Just Taken” made me unexpectedly quiet.

I kept waiting for the extra joke or the clever mechanism and was glad you mostly left it alone

that restraint helps the whole book

[Quiet Stacks]

Yes. It proves you do not always need the second turn.

Sometimes the image is enough, and the collection is stronger for having a few places where you resist the urge to squeeze one more mechanism out of it

[Prison Book Bars]

Ordering question: I understand why “The One Who Stayed” opens.

It tells the reader very quickly that the comedy and the hurt are going to occupy the same room.

I would keep it there, though I can see why the bear story is the easier sales sample

[Marginalia]

I would keep the current opener too.

The bear story says “this will be funny.” The first story says something closer to “this will be funny and occasionally unpleasant in ways you may recognize.”

That is a more accurate promise

[Glitchboy]

bear is still the one i’d send someone first though

if they don’t like that voice they’re probably not going to enjoy being trapped in here for 200 pages

[Absurd-Adjuster]

Small thing: I would review the contents-page blurbs for spoilers.

Most are fine, but because the stories are short, even describing the exact mechanism of a turn can be more revealing than it would be in a novel.

The blurbs should sell the door, not show the room

[Raga-Docent]

I agree, though I like the contents page having its own comic tone.

I would preserve that. Just make sure the joke in the blurb is not stealing a joke the story needs later

[Briefs And Books]

On the sexual material: mostly keep it.

There are places where the crudeness is absolutely voice, and cleaning those up would make the book less precise, not more tasteful.

There are also a few lines where I wondered whether the joke was doing anything beyond announcing that the narrator is crude. Those are the ones I would test

[Paperback-Postpunk]

Exactly.

Do not make the book respectable. That would be fatal

But “the narrator would say it” is not automatically the same as “the line earns its place.” A few jokes are freeloaders

[Choralist]

I noticed “I mean,” “anyway,” and a couple of other conversational pivots recurring across narrators.

Individually they sound natural. Across forty stories they start becoming part of the author’s fingerprint.

That may be intentional, but I would search the manuscript for them just to see the density

[Quiet Stacks]

Yes. I would not purge them mechanically.

Just look at clusters. Three stories in a row using the same verbal hinge will feel more repetitive than the same phrase appearing ten times across the whole book

[Prison Book Bars]

My broadest note is that the collection is strongest when the impossible thing forces a choice, not when the impossible thing is merely clever.

That does not mean every story needs a wound under it. Please don’t do that either.

The lighter pieces are necessary

[Folklore]

yeah exactly

if every story made me confront grief or responsibility i’d start hiding from the contents page

Pétanque and Beans are where you get to open a window

[Absurd-Adjuster]

I agree.

Different stakes matter. A tiny ridiculous obsession can be as useful to the collection as one of the heavier pieces, because otherwise the emotional pressure becomes predictable

[Marginalia]

My most useful editing note is probably endings.

Your best endings stop immediately after the click. A few others click, then say one more thing.

I would make a pass where you mark the first possible ending of every story and simply ask whether what follows is better than stopping there

[Raga-Docent]

That is exactly the pass I would make first.

Not “cut everything after the first ending,” because some stories need an aftershock. Just identify the first point where the story is already complete.

Anything after that should have to justify itself

[Glitchboy]

the coin story is basically the poster child for this

it gets where it’s going and then leaves

rude, efficient, good

[Paperback-Postpunk]

Congratulations, that may be the most useful three-line review in the thread

I resent it

[Briefs And Books]

For what it is worth, I would not revise toward being more respectable or more universally legible.

The book has a recognizable temperament. That is rarer than polish.

Trim repetition, yes. Check a few endings. Watch the places where narrator and author can be confused. But do not sand off the profanity, local references, sex, or bad behavior just because somebody might object

[Quiet Stacks]

That is where I land too.

Ten readers are going to disagree about which joke goes too far, which story runs long, and which ending should have stopped sooner. That disagreement is useful data, but it is not a command to average the book into something nobody dislikes

The voice is the thing I would protect first

[Author]

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